


How To Be Good

by Jessa, Polarnacht



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Sex, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Caring, Falling In Love, Fluff, Happy Ending, Hurt Jace Wayland, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Love, M/M, Making Out, Multi, Polyamory, Protective Alec Lightwood, Protective Magnus Bane, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Sacrifice, Shower Sex, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:00:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26526379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jessa/pseuds/Jessa, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Polarnacht/pseuds/Polarnacht
Summary: Alec's jumping off Magnus' roof makes Jace realize - or better admit - that he loves Alec, who has been in love with him since he can remember. Magnus and Jace also fall for each other and after a little back and forth, all three end up in a relationship - in a truly happy one. For the first time Jace allows himself to love and be loved. When his father, Valentine, reveals that pure demon blood runs through his veins, Jace questions what defines him. Is it blood or is it something else?When the angels reveal that Jace’s demon blood can save the entire Downworld from being wiped out, Jace's path is set. But being good would come with a high price: Jace's death.A story about love, life, home and the ultimate question: how to be good.Chapter two contains amazing NSFW Jalec art made by Jessa - a snippet can already be seen in chapter 1!!
Relationships: Alec Lightwood/Jace Wayland, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood/Jace Wayland, Magnus Bane/Jace Wayland
Comments: 36
Kudos: 107
Collections: September Server Scavenger Hunt 2020





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This work is a collaboration between Jessa (art and betaing) & Polarnacht (writing).

It all started with Alec jumping off Magnus' roof. Of course that wasn't completely true, it had started way earlier. It had started when two boys had met and decided to be on the same side from then on. But it was what set it in motion.

Jace would never forget how empty Alec's eyes were the moment he turned around, spread his arms as if he truly was an angel with wings and then let himself fall backwards into the nothingness, without any sign of hesitation. The moment Jace saw Alec jump, the moment he was able to break free of Iris Rouse’s spell and he leaped into action. But of course he was too late, not even a trained shadowhunter, not even Jace with his superior powers, was quicker than gravity. 

But Magnus was. His blue magic was waving a net that caught Alec mid fall, pulling him back to the roof. Away from death and back into life.

Jace didn't remember to have screamed when Alec jumped, but later his voice was hoarse and his throat sore, so he must have. The only thing he remembered was the way Alec's body trembled in his hold when he was back at the rooftop, his body being too lax for his liking. And he remembered that he planned to never let go of Alec again, to keep him close and safe.

Jace just stared and watched when Magnus dealt with the Warlock who was responsible for all that. He couldn't bring himself to get up and help, instead he pulled Alec closer, stroking his hair while he whispered reassuring nonsense into Alec's ear. He admired the cold fury with which Magnus dealt with Iris. Jace wouldn't have been capable of letting her live after what she had caused. Magnus' rage was clearly visible in each of his movements, in the way his magic turned a few shades darker and his cat eyes gleamed golden. But he didn't kill her.

When he had put Iris in a cage and sent her to Idris with a bow wrapped around her, Magnus turned to the pair of Parabatai, who still lay crouched together on the floor. Magnus' energetic movements turned soft when he approached them. He cupped Alec's chin tenderly before he pressed a kiss to his cold lips.

"Let's get you home, Alexander." Magnus' voice was like his gestures, gentle and loving.

Jace swallowed down a strange mixture of feelings, more due to the tone than due to the words. But he was glad when he saw Magnus nod at him. There was no way he would have left Alec after what had happened that night. But Magnus seemed to sense that as he made a portal for all three of them and gave Jace a thankful squeeze to the shoulder for carrying Alec. 

* * *

Magnus led the way through the portal and into their bedroom. Though he was drained after having dealt with Iris and used a lot of magic to do so, he quickly adjusted the bed to their needs. More pillows, a broader bed to accommodate the three of them. There was no way he would make Alec choose tonight between the comfort Jace as his Parabatai and he as his lover could provide. He was also sure that Jace would never leave Alec. 

Jace's scream had been bloodcurdling, he not only still heard it, he also still felt it deep in his bones and in his heart. It had been a scream so full of agony and despair, Magnus was sure he would never forget it. He himself hadn't screamed. He had been too busy channeling his magic to save Alec. It had been a close call, way too close for his liking. But if he had screamed, he was sure he had sounded exactly the way Jace had.

For a moment Magnus debated with himself. The two Shadowhunters looked as tired and drained as he felt, but he also knew that if he let it slide now, the most likely outcome was that Alec would bottle it up and refuse to talk. And bottling things up was exactly what had led them here in the first place. 

He smiled shortly at the tenderness with which Jace lay Alec down, a tenderness he hadn't thought Jace capable of. Maybe he had underestimated him. With hopefully the last snap for today Magnus conjured three cups of hot, sweet and milky tea. His pointed look made both men take some sips. Magnus nodded, satisfied when a little color returned to their faces.

"We need to talk about this." He looked at Alec before he brushed with his thumb over his cheek, his voice soft but firm.

As expected, Alec avoided his eyes when he answered. "There is no need to talk about it. The spell made me do it." Even though he had expected this kind of answer, Magnus sighed silently and closed his eyes briefly. He opened them at once when he heard Jace's hoarse voice that still bore the strains of his screaming.

"Alec, that is bullshit. The spell made me believe that Maryse hates me and wants me out of the family - for a clear reason. It is a fear I have as she already disowned me once. So don't tell us now that there isn't at least a tiny part of you that wanted to jump."

Magnus looked at Jace, surprised and thankful. He hadn't expected help from his side. He clearly had underestimated Jace. 

Alec bit his lip at his Parabatai's words and a blush started to rise but he still looked down, avoiding both of them.

"There is no shame in thinking and feeling like that. You have been through so much lately, Alexander. You had to deal with your parent’s rejection, with the fact that Valentine is back and about to start a war. Above all, a demon possessed you and made you kill Joecelyn and I know that you still blame yourself for it - even though it wasn’t you who did it. I once stood on a bridge, contemplating to jump. If it had not been for Camille, I might have. There really is no shame. Many people have dark thoughts, but we have to talk about it and you have to let us help you. Or get help somewhere else."

A few weeks earlier, Magnus wouldn't have been able to admit the suicidal thoughts he once had, especially with Jace present; but now was different. This was not about him, this was about helping Alexander. 

"Please Alec, let us help you. You are not weak for feeling what you feel. Please. I need to know that you’ll be alright. That we’ll be alright."

Jace interlaced their hands while pleading with Alec. Magnus did the same with Alec's other hand and maybe it was this that finally made Alec crumble. Tears started to fall, but everything was better than the lifeless gaze Alec had shown before. Alec cried and Jace and Magnus just held him, giving him and his tears the room to flow, without trying to shush him. They both knew Alec needed the cleansing remedy those tears could offer.

When Alec started to speak, the pain was clearly audible - and so was the shame. A shame Magnus hoped they could work on. A pain Magnus hoped they could soothe and live through together. For a while, they just sat there listening to Alec talk. They had no solutions to offer but this also wasn't needed. They were there and heard him and that was what mattered. Magnus could see that Alec was more at ease with himself after that. It wouldn't be the last time they needed to address this but it was a start.

Though no one explicitly mentioned it, Jace spent much more time with them after that. The need was just there. The risk of nearly having lost each other made them seek a physical closeness next to a mental one like never before.

And if Magnus was completely honest with himself, also his own need to have Jace close grew. A need that manifested itself more, the more time they spent together. 

Falling in love with Alec had been so easy, natural. Falling in love with Jace was different. It was much harder, more painful. Jace was just too much like him to make it not painful. But nevertheless, it was falling in love. Jace reminded Magnus of himself in many ways, forcing him to deal with old wounds that he thought had been closed but opened anew: the feeling of being abandoned by his mother, the betrayal of his father, the dark traits he knew he had in him, his general longing to belong somewhere, to someone. So his first reaction when meeting Jace had been to dismiss him as the cocky brat he liked to play. Though - or better, exactly because - he saw behind that facade. But now - with spending so much time with him, seeing his vulnerable side, his care and love for Alec - he couldn’t help but fall. And though it was painful, it was also redeeming to deal with his inner demons that Jace triggered.

Magnus had always known that Alec loved Jace, and not in the way a Parabatai was supposed to love his Parabatai. It was something Alec had told him right after the first couple of dates. Alec had stuttered and blushed a lot, but he had pushed through it, not wanting to lie to Magnus about something so important. Magnus had been able to soothe two of Alec’s concerns. The first about the stupid lie the Clave still kept up about there being a curse, something that just wasn’t true. Magnus suspected they still told it as despite there not being a curse, the loyalty for Parabatai lovers would always lay with the Parabatai and not the Clave foremost - and because the Clave were just homophobes. 

The other concern was how Magnus would react to it. Being several centuries old came with certain learnings about love, one that love didn’t need to be exclusive. One person was capable of loving more souls at the same time, as love didn’t diminish or vanish just because a love for another person was developing. Just as a parent could love several children at the same time equally, a person could love more persons at the same time. 

The third concern he couldn’t dispose. That Jace would never love Alec back in that way. That he was straight. At first Magnus had thought it to be true. But now, seeing the two interact more, he wasn’t so sure anymore. He saw Jace’s looks that lingered just that moment too long on Alec, the way his eyes followed Alec’s lips when he spoke, the protective and possessive way Jace hugged Alec, one hand always around his neck, the other around his back pulling him as close as possible. He even thought to have caught Jace looking at himself when Jace thought he wouldn’t notice, a spark in his eyes that meant more than just friendship. But Magnus wasn’t sure, maybe it was more his imagination, led by his own longing. 

* * *

Alec was happy. It was a strange feeling to be. He knew it shouldn’t be, but Alec truly couldn’t remember the last time he had truly been happy. Not when he had become Parabatai with Jace, as it had been overshadowed by his fear that he might love Jace too much to be his Parabatai. A prediction that had proved itself true in the end. He hadn’t been fully happy when he had fallen for Magnus. His happiness with him had been clouded with the forced coming out, his family's rejection and the strain on his relationship with Jace. Later, all other things had just added to that; foremost the demon that had possessed him and made him kill Jocelyn. He knew he was not responsible for his actions but he still felt like that.

All things had added up to the moment he had stood on Magnus’ rooftop. It had been the curse that made him jump but being gently forced to admit that there was a tiny part of him that had wanted to jump had been liberating. Especially with the reactions Magnus had shown, his love for him not wavering once. And Jace. As if that had been the wake-up call both had needed, they had finally talked; not only about Alec’s jump, but also about how and why Jace had reacted to Clary the way he did, that she had reminded him too much of himself to remain clear headed. They both had apologized and now they were closer than ever, also spending more time together. As two, but also as three. They still hadn’t talked about the other feelings Alec had but for the first time, Alec asked himself if it truly were only him who had those feelings. 

* * *

They came home from a night at Pandemonium, all a little drunk, but not out of it. Magnus had insisted on going, claiming that in times of war you needed to remember to have fun as well, to be reminded of what to fight for. Alec had to admit that it had been fun. At first, he had been reluctant; clubs weren't exactly the thing Alec considered fun but seeing Jace and Magnus get lost in the music, especially get lost together, was totally worth it. The way they had danced together had been mesmerizing to watch. Hips rolling in the same rhythm, hands on waists and arms, an ease to it that looked so intimate that it had taken Alec's breath away and had painted images in his mind he hadn’t wanted to think about for too long. Actually, he had wanted to think about them, but he hadn’t dared to.

When they had called it a night, the question of whether Jace would return to the Institute didn't come up once. 

Alec swayed a little; portaling always made him a little dizzy, especially when slightly drunk. He grabbed Jace's arm for support, who had portaled alongside him. As Jace was taken by surprise, he didn't stabilize Alec but stumbled with him and somehow they both ended up on the couch. Alec wanted to laugh at that but it caught in his throat as suddenly Jace was on top of him and his lips were impossibly close to his own.

Alec swallowed and he couldn't help but notice Jace's eyes following his Adam's apple. He couldn't help but notice that his eyes were getting darker and filling with desire, and the way Jace bit his bottom lip made the air around them much hotter. Alec licked over his suddenly dry lips and again Jace's eyes followed the movement; Alec saw Jace's chest heave up and down as if he had run. Jace opened his lips a little, his eyes still fixed on Alec’s when he leaned in just a little closer. Alec gulped, it was suddenly very hard to breathe. Unbeknownst to him, Alec’s breathing had sped up, matching Jace’s quickened pace. He already felt Jace’s breath on his lips, making his heart nearly skip a beat - just to break a second later when something else darkened Jace’s eyes and he started to draw back. 

Alec’s heart started beating again when he saw a familiar ringed hand entangling in Jace’s blond hair, nudging him just a little in his direction. But it was all that it took and the next thing Alec felt were Jace’s lips on his. All Alec could feel now was Jace. Jace’s rough lips that moved against his own, the spot where Jace had bitten him earlier was still a little sore and Alec imagined he tasted a little blood. He felt Jace’s tongue slip into his mouth, taking possession of it as if he had always owned it. Jace’s hands cupped his face and his thumb ran over his cheeks, making Alec tremble in his hold. He tasted Jace; he tasted of something slightly metallic mixed with the bitter alcohol from the gin Jace had drunk earlier, and something sweet that must have been the essence of Jace himself. Already then, Alec knew he would never get enough of that taste, of the feeling of Jace’s lips against his, of his tongue in his mouth. What made it all the better was that Magnus was so close, his hand still entangled in Jace’s hair, his body pressed against Alec’s. 

Eternity shrank to seconds and way too soon the kiss was over. Alec couldn’t remember having closed his eyes, but when Jace’s lips left his, he opened them, just to be mesmerized by watching Magnus and Jace. He saw the slight tug to Jace’s hair that made him look up at Magnus and after the two looked at each other for a second, they both leaned in and started to kiss. 

Alec leaned back and just watched, his heart still beating like it wanted to leave his chest. Before he could start to think, Jace’s lips were close to his again and he closed the gap as if it was the most natural thing in the world, and probably it was, always should have been. Alec’s world narrowed down to kisses and touches. Magnus’ hand under his shirt, Jace’s lips on his throat, Magnus’ mouth on his nape, Jace’s hand in his hair. And Alec kissed back, letting his hands roam over trained chests, letting his lips caress naked skin. 

It was all they did that night, kissing and touching each other, but Alec couldn’t bring himself to think of it as “just”. It was all he had ever wanted, all he had longed for and it was better than any imagination. 

At some point they must have fallen asleep, as when Alec opened his eyes the next time, he found himself encaged between Magnus and Jace, morning sun shining through the still open curtains. Alec didn’t dare to move, to avoid breaking the spell. It was so peaceful, Magnus snuggled against his back, one arm slung over his waist, his hand resting on Jace’s back. Jace lay on his belly, his face drawn to Alec’s, a soft look on it which Alec had not seen often. The sun played with his blond hair, lightening it as if it was on fire. 

They were still laying on the couch, which was wider than usual. Loving a Warlock really came with its perks, Alec couldn’t help but think fondly. Next to him, Jace stirred a little and Alec just gave in to his need to stroke his cheek tenderly until Jace blinked his eyes open, sun dancing in his a little confused looking eyes. But Alec didn’t give him time to overthink or freak out, he just entangled his hand in Jace’s hair, pulled him close and kissed him. Jace made a surprised sound in the back of his throat but kissed back in the same possessive way he had kissed Alec the night before. 

“So I’m not dreaming, am I?” Jace whispered, his voice full of wonder and a slight hint of doubt.

"No, you aren't," Alec whispered back, a smile tugging on his lips.

"I figured, dreams usually don't have bad morning breath," Jace replied dryly but with a wink. "Ouch.”

Jace laughed and caught Alec's hand which had just slapped him mid air and pulled him closer. 

"See. That's why I am a Warlock." Magnus yawned, still sounding raspy and sleepy, but with a snap they all tasted mints in their mouths and they just started where they had left off the night before: kissing and exploring each other. 

* * *

Jace still couldn’t quite believe how he had ended up here. After Alec had jumped and Jace had thought he had truly lost him, the inner barrier he had held up had finally crumbled down. He had loved Alec for a long time, even been aware of it for some time. But something had always held him back. The curse. The belief that love destroyed. The feeling of not being worthy. The love he saw evolve between Magnus and Alec. But when Alec had jumped, none of that had mattered anymore and he had given in, for the first time really accepting that he loved Alec. 

Though he had always suppressed them, his feelings for Alec hadn’t come as a surprise. His developing feelings for Magnus surely had. As much as he was drawn to the way Alec exuded warmth, Jace was drawn to the depths Magnus hid. The quiet introspection that lay beneath his layers of glitter and laughter. It was easy for him to see behind Magnus’ armor that he carried for the world, as he wore the same kind of protection. Both hid their darker sides, the pain, the betrayal they had endured in their lives; one behind a cocky grin, the other behind a laugh that came a little too easy. 

But Jace would have never acted on his feelings, if not for the night he had practically fallen on top of Alec, their lips so close that he had smelled Alec, so close that he had felt Alec’s heart beating against his chest. But even then he had started to draw back, but with Magnus’ hand in his hair that had nudged him into Alec’s direction, he had not been able to hold back any longer and he had kissed Alec. Kissing Alec had been like coming home, finally wrapping himself up into the warmth that always had been there but that he had denied himself the whole time. 

Kissing Magnus had been like opening a door, a door to new beginnings but also a door to himself where all the hidden sides of him were buried. Kissing them both had been like everything he had ever wanted but always thought he could never have. All pieces fell into place, a place Jace had never been aware of, until everything was pieced together. 

So thinking back he was still astonished how he had ended up not only with one lover, but two. They fitted together in a way he had not thought possible. They were not flawless, they had minor fights about several things, but they all tried to make it work for all of them. For some weeks, Jace was just happy, happier than he ever had thought he deserved. War with Valentine was still hanging over their heads, but it all faded against what he had found with Alec and Magnus - until it made itself prominent again. 

It was one sentence that ripped all carefully placed pieces apart, one sentence that made Jace fall, and not in the good kind of way. Of course it was a sentence from his father, spoken in the mocking tone Jace loathed more than his voice full of hatred. They had cornered Valentine, Jace stood in front of him with a blade in hand. It should be him and not Valentine who did the talking. But Jace just couldn’t forget that the man in front of him had raised him. Even though his childhood had been hard, this man was the only father he had ever known.

Valentine knew that. He saw the hesitation in Jace’s eyes and he took advantage of it.

“You have pure demon blood in your veins, Jonathan. You are nothing but evil, an experiment gone wrong. Your mother despised you Jonathan, she left you the first chance she got. I thought you could be useful to me, but also I had to finally admit that you weren’t.” 

Valentine’s laughter rang loud in Jace’s ear and he thought he had to throw up. But it finally all made sense. The darkness he had felt inside him, the anger, the self-loathing. The only thing that didn’t make sense was the love Alec and Magnus showed him. But probably they didn’t really love him, they loved the lies of him being a Nephilim, a Shadowhunter. But Nephilim were descendants of Angels, who was he when all he had was demonic blood? Didn’t that make him a demon too? A full blooded one at that?

“You have always been weak, Jonathan. Even with your special blood you are nothing but weak. That’s why I tossed you away. You can’t even kill me now, can you?” An arrogant smirk had settled on Valentine’s face. Jace gripped the blade he held in hand harder. Small drops of sweat gathered on his forehead. His pulse sped up as before an attack, but already then Jace knew his father was right. He couldn’t kill him. He was weak. With a last laugh in his direction, Valentine stepped through the portal, leaving a devastated Jace behind.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check out the amazing NSFW art by Jessa at the end of the chapter 💙  
> TW for explicit sexual content and Jace and Alec in Magnus’ shower.

Neither Magnus nor Alec blamed Jace for letting Valentine escape, though Jace knew they should. He was supposed to be the best warrior of his generation, it should have been easy for him to kill Valentine. And the thing was, Jace had not lacked the skills to kill Valentine. He had lacked the strength. If Alec and Magnus didn’t blame him, he did. Thanks to him, the Shadow World was still in danger of being ripped apart by a war. Valentine wanted the Mortal Cup to create an army of soulless Shadowhunters bound only to him. Rumors were he wanted the Soul Sword that, once activated in a complex ritual, could wipe out the entire Downworld. 

The words his father had said to him still echoed in his head. Could it be true that he had demon blood? Seraph Blades lit up for him, he was able to pass an Institute only a Shadowhunter should be able to pass - but then, he had always felt a little out of place. He was stronger than other Shadowhunters. He had skills neither of them had. He had always thought it was due to his early and harsh training, but what if it was just because of his special blood? Maybe the blades lit up and the Institutes let him in because his parents had been Shadowhunters and they recognized their DNA in his. Maybe all this was really the explanation why his mother had first left him as a baby and then tried to kill him when she had met him again. As a mother, she must have seen the darkness inside him; that he had always felt lingering in the back of his mind and that others, like Alec and Magnus, wanted to ignore. 

Jace knew he should tell the others. At least Magnus and Alec. But he just couldn’t bring himself to do so. He needed them to still believe that he was a good person. He just couldn’t live with them looking at him differently. It was enough that he looked at himself differently. He had not had many beliefs in his life, but one had always been that he at least was kind of good. He was not pure or innocent, never had been, but despite his darker traits which he had always hidden behind his arrogance and cockiness, he had been at least kind of good. Shadowhunters were the good people who fought against the evil. Demons. But how could he be good when evil ran through his veins? And not only partially, but fully. Didn’t it mean he was kind of evil as well?

Jace had come close to revealing the truth to Magnus and Alec several times, but in the end, he always took the easy way and kept the lie up that Valentine hadn’t said anything important to him. Alec had asked several times, but in the end he had believed Jace. Of course he had, Jace thought. If there was something that he was good at, then it was lying. But his secret kept eating at him, nagging at him. Whenever he sliced a demon in half, he thought that he was closer to that demon than to his fellow Shadowhunters. And he still contemplated what that meant for him. He thought of the things he had done right: the demons he had killed, the rogue Downworlders he had captured or killed - in the name of good, of course. But it all came down to fighting or killing. He couldn’t really think of something he was good at besides that. And he was really not sure if this was enough. 

* * *

It were the angels in the end, Ithuriel to be specific, who showed Jace how to be good. 

Usually the three men spent their nights together at the loft, but today Jace had chosen to stay at the Institute after an exhausting mission. He had only a few hours left of sleep and the distance was too far for a quick run - there was no Warlock at hand who could portal him as he didn’t want to wake Magnus for that. After washing away the dirt and the ichor from his demon hunt, he headed to his old room, sighing slightly when he slipped under the cold cover. He already regretted his decision but was too tired to get up again. 

Jace was tossing in his sleep, twitching from side to side when suddenly the room was filled with a blazing light. Jace opened his eyes in an instant, just to close them again a second later. The light was too bright to be bearable. A high pitch sound penetrated his brain and he clutched his hands over his ears to make it stop, though it didn’t help. The noise was in his head, not in his ears. He tried to speak, or scream, but his voice was cut off and he just choked on his words.

The sound pitched higher and the light intensified. Suddenly, Jace saw images playing in his head, though his eyes were pressed shut so tightly that it hurt. He saw Valentine. Valentine who was stealing the Soul Sword, leaving death and destruction behind in the Silent City. Valentine who wanted to wipe out the Downworld with it. And Jace saw a demon. A demon who touched the blade of the sword and it dissolved into thin air, keeping the Downworld alive and safe. Before the light, the noise and the images vanished, Jace saw the bearer of the prophecy. An angel. Ithuriel. He looked beautiful. Not in the actual human kind of way, but in the deadly, celestial kind. He was so beautiful that it hurt to look at him, as much as the light and the noise hurt. The pain increased to a point it was no longer manageable and Jace’s mind just refused to take in anymore, guiding him away from the light and into a pitch black darkness.

When Jace woke in the morning, he was ready to dismiss everything as a strange dream. A very realistic and painful dream, but just a dream anyway.

“Jace.” Alec more fell than landed through a portal that had appeared in Jace’s room at the Institute. “You need to wake up.”

“Alec! What’s wrong? Magnus, is he okay?” Though he was more than startled by Alec’s sudden appearance in his room, he switched immediately from his sleepy state to alert and professional; his heartbeat picking up pace.

“Magnus is fine. It’s the Silent City. It has fallen. Valentine has killed nearly all of the Silent Brothers. He has stolen the Soul Sword. Jace, he has the sword!” Alec sounded breathless, terrified. No Shadowhunter had ever dared to go against the most valued members of their society so far. No one in the whole Shadow World history had thought of committing such a sacrilege. No one until Valentine now. Jace’s eyes widened first in surprise and then in shock when Alec gave him more details. It was all like he had seen in his dream. Not a dream, a vision, he corrected himself. His heart sank with the realization. It meant all was true. The Downworld was in danger; Magnus was. It meant he could destroy the sword. But it meant he would die in the process, just as the demon had in his vision. He was not sure if he was ready for that.

Jace felt strangely cold after the revelation. Even being wrapped in Magnus or Alec couldn’t bring back the warmth he had briefly felt and embraced. He found himself more often playing with the black braided leather bracelet Magnus had gifted him and Alec, wearing one himself. Their three initial letters _J M A_ were engraved on the silver closure and it had always been something Jace had been proud to wear. A visible sign that this was not a dream but real. That he was loved and was allowed to love back. Now it still gave him that sort of comfort, but it also made his heart ache a little more. Soon the _J_ would be erased. 

It was ironic. Since he had been a little kid, he had asked himself how to be a better person. First he had asked himself what he needed to do to gain his father's approval; then what targets he needed to meet for the Lightwoods to keep him and not send him away. Later he wanted to be the person Alec deserved as a Parabatai, never quite believing that he was the one. He asked himself constantly how to be good. Now, having the answer, didn’t make it easier. On the contrary, it was all the harder. For a short moment he had thought he could really have it all. To have the love his father had always warned him about but which he had craved all his life. Love destroyed. It was one of the truths Valentine had beaten severely into him, yet Jace knew better now. Looking at Magnus and Alec, it was not love that destroyed. It was just his love that destroyed. 

The Angel Ithuriel had shown him a way to use his destructiveness for a good cause, to save the world, to save Magnus. Jace was determined to not disappoint. But it was harder than he had thought at first. Dying meant saying goodbye to Alec, to Magnus. It meant more lying, but his whole life had been one big lie, so a little more wouldn’t count, would it? It meant finding the place where Valentine hid the Soul Sword. 

To his surprise, this was the easiest part of it. It took him some time, but with a little bribing here and there, and using his Downworlder connections he had gathered over the years of frequenting places like the Hunter’s Moon, a Downworlder bar, he found a Warlock who had been tormented by Valentine and been able to flee. He cornered the man when he returned home late at night.

“Stop running. I just want to talk to you.” The moment the Warlock had seen a Shadowhunter waiting for him, he had turned around to flee, sending spells over his head in Jace’s direction. Spells Jace easily avoided, as they weren’t directed with accuracy but with despair.

The Warlock had run into an alley and managed to trap himself in a dead-end street. His hands were shaking while he turned to watch Jace approach with huge, scared eyes.

“I’m not going back there. I won’t.” His voice shook like his hands.

Jace tore a little at the collar of his leather jacket to reveal his unruned neck. “Calm down. There is no circle rune. I’m not one of Valentine’s men.”

“You’re his son,” the Warlock accused him defiantly.

“That is true, but I can’t help who my father is. You of all people should know that. I am not here on his behalf to harm you. To the contrary, I want to fight against him. But for that, I need a little help. Your help, to be specific. You will tell me where Valentine is hiding so I can deal with him.” Jace saw no point in telling the Warlock, Ambrose, more details of his plan. 

“And what is in this for me?” Ambrose still sounded scared, but also a little defeated. His eyes roamed over Jace’s body, over his seraph blade and his throwing knives, which were visibly attached to his thigh holster. He knew he didn't stand a chance. That he was no warrior and no match for a trained Shadowhunter he had painfully experienced when Valentine’s Circle members had captured him a few weeks ago. He still wasn’t sure how he had been able to flee, but one night all of a sudden the bars to his cage hadn’t been magical ones anymore, allowing him to free himself with his magic. He hadn’t thought twice but fled.

“That.” Jace threw Ambrose a bag of gold he had stolen from Magnus. The gold had been payment from one of Magnus’ countless clients and he had tossed it carelessly in the corner of his office. Jace hadn’t thought too long before taking it, adding the theft to the long list of things he regretted but did anyway. Doing the right thing and being good apparently came with a catch.

“And when you keep your mouth shut about all of it, you’ll get another one soon. I’ll contact you again in a few days for a portal creation. But first you’ll tell me everything about Valentine’s hideout; how you fled it, just everything you know. And remember, no word to anyone. Not to your friends, not to the Clave. Anyone.”

Ambrose contemplated the offer shortly; but when he saw that Jace started to fidget impatiently with his blade, an annoyed look on his face, he was quick to agree. The payment was generous and he hadn’t really a choice, had he? So he started to tell Jace everything he could. 

Valentine’s hideout was an abandoned hospital called Renwick’s. The Circle had rebuilt and modified it to its needs. There were some cells for Downworlders in the basement, but all had been empty when Ambrose had been there - except his. But Ambrose had overheard that something truly valuable was hidden at the place. Some kind of weapon. The Soul Sword, Jace was sure of it. He nodded his thanks to the Warlock and disappeared, emphasizing again that Ambrose should keep his mouth shut and that he expected him to create a portal to Renwick’s when the time was due.

Jace pulled some favors with Luke, who was working in the NYPD, to get the site plan of the building. The Warlock had not been sure where exactly the sword was hidden, just somewhere on the upper floor. His plan was simple. He would go in, kill whoever got in his way and then destroy the sword.

Which led him back again to the hardest part. Saying goodbye to his lovers, without them noticing. 

* * *

Magnus smiled when he stepped into his - their - loft, the air filled with a melancholic melody. Shubert’s Winterreise if he recalled correctly. Since all things had settled between the three of them, they had spent more and more time there and Alec and Jace a lot less in the Institute. Officially they were still living there, but it always made Magnus feel warm when he came home and found one or both of his Shadowhunters already at the loft. 

He had made his loft theirs by adding things the two liked. He had bought a coffee machine so that Alec didn’t feel bad any longer when he had to drink coffee Magnus magicked up, a fact that both Jace and he found adorable. He had added a training room next to his library so that they didn’t need to leave for basic training. He also had enlarged his weapon arsenal to meet Jace’s preferences. 

For Jace, he had made space in his living room to accomodate a piano. Magnus had always liked classical music but never played himself, but when Jace had once told him that despite the way it had been taught to him he still liked it, he had bought one. 

Jace didn’t interrupt his play when Magnus entered the room, he just turned slightly and smiled at him before his focus went back to the piano, his hands dancing over the keys effortlessly. Mistakes had been painful and Jace a quick learner. 

Magnus stretched his tired muscles, cracking his neck. He had been with exhausting and demanding clients the whole day. It was a pleasant surprise that Jace was here. Alec ran the night shift and he had thought that Jace would stay at the Institute with him. With a snap he conjured a glass with a dry whiskey that carried a rich amber color. Quietly he strolled over to Jace and set the glass down next to him, kissing him on his nape.

“Am I disturbing you?” he asked softly while his hand came up to stroke Jace’s cheek. He smiled when Jace instinctively leaned into the touch.

“No. Please stay, Magnus.” Jace’s answer came promptly and firmly. 

“Is there a reason for this particular choice?” Magnus asked after a while of simply sipping his drink and watching Jace play. Normally Jace preferred complexer things and more joyful melodies.

Jace didn’t answer until he played the last tone, but then he leaned into Magnus who placed his empty glass on top of the piano and embraced him, kissing the top of his head softly.

“I don’t know. I just don’t feel like happy music.”

Magnus hummed knowingly in response. “Are you still thinking about Valentine and that you should have killed him? Jace, he is your father. He raised you. It is normal that you are reluctant to kill him. It is human.”

“But he is evil. Doesn’t this make me evil, too?” Jace was glad to have found an angle to talk with Magnus about his fears without having to mention the demon blood.

“Come on, sweetheart, let’s get somewhere more comfortable.” He pulled Jace up and towards the couch, where they both settled down, facing each other. Magnus took Jace’s hand in his, absentmindedly rubbing small circles on the palm of Jace’s hand. 

“Just because an evil man raised you doesn't make you evil, Jace. Don’t you think at least Alec would know? You two share a soul,” Magnus said gently, not brushing off Jace's concerns like Jace had feared, and also not approving them like he had feared even more.

Jace bit his bottom lip. Maybe Magnus was right, maybe Alec would see if he truly was evil. But he _was_ good at hiding things and closing the bond so, maybe not.

When Magnus saw that Jace just shrugged, he carried on. “Do you know who my real father is?” 

Magnus had told Alec and he had always assumed that Alec had passed the knowledge on, even when, back then, they hadn’t all been together. He was a little surprised to see Jace shake his head.

“It’s Asmodeus, the King Of Hell. So I know a little about being raised by an evil man. And about fearing that his blood makes me evil as well.”

“I thought you grew up with your mother and your stepfather.” Jace sounded curious, but not in the cruel kind of way; in a genuine one.

“I did. I was rather lucky as my Warlock mark manifested itself rather late. When I was a baby, I looked normal. Human. But when I grew older, my cat eyes started to develop. And I got more powerful. Even as a kid the magic was strong in me, due to the fact that my father is a fallen angel and thus very powerful. When my mother discovered what I am…”

“Who you are,” Jace interrupted firmly, squeezing Magnus' hands. “Who.” He said again, emphasizing the word.

A small smile tugged on Magnus’ lips. It was hard to put into words what the interruption and implication in Jace’s words meant to him. He swallowed hard before he continued. “When she discovered who I am, she couldn’t handle it. She killed herself. And my stepfather blamed me. He wanted to kill me. That day, Asmodeus came the first time to me. He saved me from that man. When I saw my stepfather again, I lost total control over my powers. I burnt him to ashes. I just…”

“You were a kid and didn’t know better. A lost, scared kid who had just lost his mother.” Jace drew their joint hands to his lips and pressed a gentle kiss to them. 

“Yeah. Well. Foremost, I was a Warlock with the ability to kill. And yes, I was lost. So lost that I followed my father, the only person who offered to care for me. The only person who had the same ugly eyes as mine.” Magnus had to swallow around the lump in his throat. The memories of his father, but even more the memories of what he had done to please his father, still hurt. Probably they would never stop hurting fully. Centuries hadn’t been enough so far to soothe the pain completely. 

“Your father is to blame for what you did when you were so young and vulnerable, Magnus. Not you. There is nothing ugly about you.” 

A genuine smile spread over Magnus’ face. “Do you know that Alexander said the exact same words to me?” 

“Well, they are true,” Jace said in earnest, leaning in to press a soft kiss to Magnus’ lips.

“See. And why would you then be evil if you don’t even think that I am? Even though I just confessed to have killed my stepfather and that real evil blood is running through my veins?” Magnus’ eyes searched Jace’s face, trying to figure out if his words had come through.

Jace nodded before he leaned in again to kiss Magnus. But he couldn’t help but think that this was different. In Magnus’ veins also ran human blood. There were no angels that demanded Magnus sacrifice himself to be good and save the world.

“You know that I love you, Magnus, don’t you? Because I do. I really do.” Jace knew he sounded almost desperate, but he needed Magnus to know that. He needed both his lovers to know that. 

“Are you alright, Jace?” Magnus looked a little quizzically at Jace. He was normally not the one for verbal declarations. But Jace just nodded and pulled Magnus into a kiss once more, his lips moving demandingly and needily against Magnus, who let himself be drawn into it. 

* * *

Magnus and Jace had fallen asleep curled around each other, both not waking when Alec joined them after the night shift had ended at around two. The shift had been uneventful and had left Alec dissatisfied. Thus he had decided to walk to the loft, hoping the cold air would ease the itch under his skin. The wards that protected the loft let him inside, neither Jace nor he needed a key - Magnus’ magic recognized them. When he stepped into the master bedroom, he couldn’t help but smile at the peaceful picture his two lovers offered. When he slipped under the covers with them, he already felt the unease of the day subside. It didn’t take him long to fall asleep.

* * *

Jace woke with a start. Lately his dreams were haunted by nightmares he mostly didn’t remember in detail the moment he opened his eyes. But though it was not yet six in the morning, he couldn’t fall back to sleep. He stood up quietly, hitting the training room to exhaust himself until he was drained enough to cope with the day. 

Jace relished the hot water that was running over his sweaty body after he had ended the training. Jace knew his time was running out. A few more things he had to prepare, then he was ready to face the Soul Sword. Ready to face death. The hot water slowly turned his skin red, the air filling with steam. He pressed his forehead against the cold wall, trying to ease the pain that had settled in his chest, making his breath ragged. 

He gave a jerk when the shower curtain rustled and Alec stepped into the shower, wrapping his arms around his chest, pressing his body against Jace's back. Alec was still warm and soft, the way he only was in the early morning hours when sleep was still lingering and there had not yet been the need to transform into a warrior or leader. Jace loved when Alec was that way and all he wanted to do was to get lost in his warmth and forget what he was and what he needed to do. He just wanted to feel Alec like that for one last time. 

“Hey, Jace, I missed you when I woke up in bed.” Alec’s voice sounded raspy, sleep still lingering on his vocal cords. He kissed Jace’s nape, sucking at the tender skin until, despite the hot water, goosebumps spread all over Jace’s skin. 

“I couldn’t sleep,” Jace managed to say. Breathing became suddenly way harder than it had already been. 

“Mmh. I’m glad I found you here.” Alec didn’t stop kissing Jace’s nape, his tongue running over Jace’s throat, licking the water away before his lips sucked again. Jace moaned when Alec’s teeth found their way in his tender flesh and he pushed back, his ass grinding against Alec’s cock that slowly started to harden. Jace felt Alec's smile against his skin when his hips rolled needier and his moans turned into little whines. But he didn't care, he just wanted Alec close, he wanted to feel his chest against his back, his arms slung around him. 

"Please, Alec," Jace panted, longing for a closer connection. Jace hated to beg, but he was ready to do it now. Alec bit playfully at his earlobe, but he took mercy on Jace and reached for the shower gel, pouring a decent amount on his fingers. 

Jace pushed back harder when Alec's fingers started to wander down his spine and finally arrived at his ass, finding his crack. Agonizingly slowly, Alec let his fingers slip between his cheeks, searching and finding his hole. Jace groaned in frustration when Alec didn't push in but teased him longer, circling his rim and pressing tenderly against his hole. Jace bent down a little, resting his head against his elbow that leaned against the wall. 

His need seemed to seep through their bond, as Alec finally pushed one finger into him, making Jace moan with pleasure. His hips started to roll without his doing, pushing back onto Alec’s finger, silently asking for more. Thankfully, his Parabatai listened to his inaudible plea and he added a second, turning Jace’s ragged breathing into panting. Alec’s presence felt strong and comforting against his back, reassuring. Maybe everything would turn out right. But Jace knew he was lying again, this time to himself. 

“I need you Alec now, please.” Jace lowered himself even further to give Alec the best angle. That he had begged twice made Alec comply instantly, feeling the dire need. He pushed in without further ado and Jace gasped at the sudden breach. It burned, but Jace relished the pain. He wanted to feel Alec for real, longer than they would last in the shower. Alec started to move inside him, reaching spots Jace had only ever felt with him or Magnus. He bit down on his arm, hard, to suppress the sob that originated in his chest, the pain burning there far more intensely than the sting in his ass. 

When Alec bottomed out and hit his prostate at the same time, moaning Jace’s name lowly, the tears that had prickled in his eyes for a long time started to fall silently. Alec grabbed his hair and pulled at it, making him arch his back and lean into Alec’s chest. He held his face in the stream of hot water that fell from the shower head like his tears fell from his eyes, glad the water would wash away any trace of them. Alec’s hand, that had wandered from his hair to his throat, felt protective and Jace wanted to get lost in this sensation. The way Alec held him made him shiver, knowing it was nothing that would last. Jace’s hand reached for Alec’s head, pulling him even closer to himself. 

“Are you okay Jace?” Alec paused shortly in his movements, noticing that something was wrong with Jace. Jace was many things, okay was not among them. But he couldn’t say, and as he didn’t trust his voice he just hummed, opening the part of their bond that conveyed his love and need for Alec, adding just another lie to his long list. Alec kissed his throat without removing his hand, his thumb rubbing small circles over Jace’s Adam’s apple. He hesitated, not sure whether to believe Jace’s humming. 

But the truth in their bond finally convinced Alec and he started to nip at Jace’s ear, while he started to push in and out of him again, one hand slung around his waist to hold Jace there, to have better leverage when his movements got more forceful. He chased the joint sensation he felt in their bond, the orgasm he knew would hit them both soon. He slammed into Jace and soon both reached their climax, Jace coming just seconds earlier with a small sob he covered as a moan. 

For long moments, they just stood in the hot stream of water, the rippling of their orgasms turning down to gentle waves. Alec stroked Jace’s throat tenderly while his other hand on his waist pressed him close. Jace rubbed tiredly over his face, trying to wash away all last traces of tears that might still remain, before he craned his neck to catch Alec’s lips in his. Their kiss was quiet and deep. Their bond, at least the parts Jace allowed Alec to feel, was open and hummed contentedly between them, the emotions flooding back and forth. Jace turned in Alec’s embrace, his eyes finding Alec’s.

“You know that I love you, Alec, right? That I really, really love you?” Jace’s voice nearly broke at the end and before Alec could reply, Jace kissed him again, pouring his heart and soul into this one kiss.

“I love you too and I know that, Jace. But… are you really alright?” Alec cupped Jace’s face and looked confused and searchingly at him. Again, all Jace could manage was a nod before he looked away. 

“Yeah. Let’s get ready for the mission.” With a silent sigh, Jace stepped out of the shower and away from Alec’s warmth. He felt Alec’s gaze on him while he dried himself, but in the end Alec let it slide.


	3. Chapter 3

Alec and Jace returned late and exhausted from an additional late night mission, the nest of ravener demons larger than they thought. But both had headed for the loft after giving their final reports without having to discuss them. The prospect of having Magnus with them balanced the long walk out. Both sighed, relieved when the doors closed after them magically and the wards re-erected themselves. After a quick shower, Alec fell asleep at once, snuggling up to Jace’s left. Magnus lay on his right. He had already been sleeping when they returned, but gravitated towards them without waking up until his arm found its way around Jace’s waist. Though - or maybe exactly because of - Jace lay as protected and comfortable as he could be, it took him a while to interrupt his thoughts. He needed to sleep. He needed to enjoy those last moments. When sleep came, it was disturbed by nightmares of demons and swords. 

Jace woke in the early morning after just a few hours of napping. A thin layer of sweat that covered him showed the fretfulness of his dreams. Jace stood up quietly, not able to fall back to sleep. He crawled out of the bed where he had lain encaged between his two lovers, without waking them. He was just about to leave the room when he turned around, the door knob already in his hand. What he saw made his heart ache and get lighter at the same time. They had already closed the gap in the middle he had left behind, their bodies entwined like they had slept the whole night as just the two of them. And maybe this was how it was supposed to be in the first place. 

Jace turned around to close the door carefully, fighting the tears that wanted to fall. Why was it so hard to be good and do the right thing? Why did it hurt so much? When the door closed with a soft thud the tears fell, as he knew it was the last time he would see them. Today was the day to finally be good.

He angrily rubbed at his face. He slapped himself lightly and the small sting helped him to focus again. Instead of the pained expression, his usual cocky mask snapped into place. He didn’t plan on letting his emotions win. He knew what he had to do to save the Shadow World. To save Magnus. 

When he left the loft, it became easier. His focus shifted, his life-long learned warrior mode kicking in and turning him from a lover into a dutiful soldier. 

He met the Warlock Ambrose he had paid for creating a portal and keeping his mouth shut in a quiet back alley, halfway between loft and Institute, to keep the possibility of running into a Shadowhunter to a minimum. Ambrose was calmer than the last time and accepted the gold with a grateful nod. With a last look in the general direction of the loft, Jace stepped through the portal, in each hand a gleaming seraph blade. 

He landed in the seemingly abandoned hospital. The rune carved into the floor revealing the Circle’s motto  _ In Hoc Signo Vinces  _ told Jace that he was at the right place.  _ By this sign, we will conquer. _ Jace sighed. He was not here to conquer. He was here to die.

Jace was cautious. If Valentine really kept the Mortal Sword here it would be guarded. His grip on his blades tightened when he more felt than saw a sudden movement to his right. Without having to think, his body reacted to the threat, moving left to avoid the blade and moving forward at the same time to stab. When he freed his blade from the other Shadowhunter’s chest, it shone crimson red and the man in front of him stumbled inanimately to the floor.

Quietly Jace moved on. He had to pass some more Circle members, but none were a match for him. He searched every room quickly but thoroughly before he proceeded, trying to locate the Soul Sword. He knew bringing backup would have been the sensible thing to do, but he also knew that he would never bring himself to complete his mission if the others were around - especially Alec and Magnus.

The Circle had added its trademarks in every corner of the building. Roses from Idris decorated the walls, runes were carved into the floor and rayed suns graced the ceilings; giving the place a feeling of a gothic horror house. Even more so considering the history of the place: It had been a lunatic asylum for the smallpox epidemic in the 19th century. 

The whole atmosphere made Jace shudder while he scanned the perimeter. Something didn’t quite feel right. Valentine was nowhere to be seen. There were Circle members, but all were defeated easily. Too easily. This whole thing was too easy. But the thought vanished as suddenly as it had appeared when he laid eyes on the Soul Sword. 

It was secured in a magical box in the farthest corner of a room that once had supposedly been the office of the head physician. Old medical instruments were still laying around, but Jace’s eyes were glued to the sword. The magic flowed around it in purple waves. Jace could swear he heard an electric humming. Carefully he put one blade down but within reach, the other he kept in his hand as a precaution. When his hand reached for the magical ward he felt the power radiating from it. But strangely, it didn’t feel hostile. Probably it recognized his own demonic essence Jace couldn’t help but think. Carefully he touched the shield with his fingertips, bracing himself for the pain that was likely about to come. But it didn’t. With his touch, the magical shield disappeared. 

Jace gulped. He just had to reach now for the sword. He just needed to touch it with both his hands on the blade and the Downworld would be safe. Magnus would be safe. It all had started with Alec jumping. It all would end with Jace touching the Mortal Sword. He swallowed again, his hands slightly trembling. He reached for the sword. It was time to be good. 

* * *

Alec stirred in his sleep, something was tugging on his consciousness. But when his body found the reassuring presence and warmth of another body, he relaxed again, drifting off to a deeper sleep. Just when his hand found its way into Magnus coifed hair, his brain started to think again. The hair he was touching shouldn’t be short and spiky, but longer and soft. The tugging increased and suddenly Alec awoke with a start.

Jace didn’t lay in the middle of them, the way they had fallen asleep. It was not completely unusual; Jace had been up and training a lot in the mornings lately, but something felt more off about it than the last nights. Alec missed Jace next to him with an intensity that startled him. He searched for Jace in their bond. He bit his bottom lip forcefully when he found him. Jace was near, still in New York, Alec was sure of it. But he also was sure that he was not at the loft any longer where he was supposed to be. 

“Magnus.” He reached over to his lover and brushed a strand of hair out of his face to wake him up gently. “Has Jace said anything to you about having an early mission or something?” The intensity in Alec’s voice jerked Magnus out of his dreamy state and he was instantly awake, although normally he was anything but a morning person.

“No. He hasn’t said anything.” Magnus sighed when he realized that Jace’s spot on the bed was empty. “He has been acting strange lately.”

“Even stranger than usual.” Alec tried for a lighter tone but failed. It felt wrong. “He mentioned a lot how much the two of us love each other and that we will always have each other.”

Magnus nodded, rubbing tiredly and worriedly over his face. “Yes, he said that to me as well. And he told me that he loved me. You know, the actual words, not the mumbled  _ you toos  _ he normally says.”

“Yeah, exactly. It was a bit like…” Alec’s voice trailed away while a sick feeling settled in his stomach.

“It was as if he said goodbye.” Magnus jumped to his feet the moment the words had left his mouth. Once spoken, they made so much sense and Magnus wondered why they hadn’t realized it earlier.

Alec was just as fast, he was already half dressed when Magnus snapped his fingers to do the rest. 

“Do you have any idea what he is up to?” Magnus sounded concerned, but did his best to hide it. Panic wouldn’t help anyone.

“No. But I bet it has something to do with Valentine. He said something to Jace before he stepped through the portal. Fuck, I should have been more insistent that he tell me what that was about. The only good thing is, I feel he is not too far away. He must be still somewhere in New York.” Though Alec tried his best, he couldn’t stop the sick feeling from spreading in his whole body. He had to swallow down bile and the sour taste lingered in his mouth, making him nearly gag again. 

Magnus picked up one of Jace’s favourite old books that he had just read the day before, so that his magical fingerprint was still intense. Without hesitation, Alec closed one hand around it as well, placing the other in Magnus’ outstretched one to allow him to draw from his energy if needed. Warlock tracking was powerful, but draining. Magnus’ blue magic swirled around the book, finding the traces Jace had left behind before the magic flew wide to reach Jace's current location. With a gasp, Magnus opened his eyes again, which he had shut to better concentrate.

“He’s at Renwick’s. The old hospital. From what I saw, he is looking for something. Or someone.” He said it without any hint of a doubt.

“Valentine. It has to be about him. It must be the place where he is hiding.” Alec concluded at once, fear creeping into his voice. Why hadn’t Jace told them what he was doing? But this was not the time to contemplate this. They had more important things to do. 

Magnus nodded grimly. Why else would Jace be in an abandoned hospital?

In a blast Alec was geared up with his bow, blade and knives. He sent a quick text to Izzy to ask for backup, but to both Magnus and Alec it was clear that they wouldn’t wait.

With a snap, a portal appeared and both men stepped through, Alec with his bow ready in hand, an arrow already nocked and Magnus with his magic ready at his fingertips. 

They dashed through the empty rooms of the hospital without slowing down, finding evidence of the Circle and Jace in every one of it. The Circle motto engraved into stones, dead bodies of Shadowhunters on the floor. But they didn’t pause. Alec just followed the pull of their bond that indicated where Jace was, Magnus on his heels. His rune pulsated, giving him the reassurance that Jace was still alive, not even hurt. But his heart beat faster than ever before, a doomed feeling was lingering on his soul and Alec was not sure if these were his own feelings or Jace’s or both.

Alec pushed the door to the next room open carefully, his hand clenched around his bow. He knew without having proof that Jace was right behind this door. He let the bow sink when he realized that Jace was alone. One woman lay unmoving next to the entrance, a small pool of blood already gathering underneath her.

Jace seemed like he was in a trance. In one hand he had his usual blade, the other was wrapped tightly around the hilt of a sword. Not any sword. The Soul Sword. Alec had seen it once before in a trial and recognized it at once. There was a deadly beauty to it. The wings that connected the hilt to the blade shone in a golden light that made Alec wonder if it was due to the first rays of sunshine that flooded the room or if it was Jace's touch that made it light up. 

Per se the picture of Jace holding the sword shouldn’t startle him as much, having found and regained the Mortal Sword was a good thing after all, but something was so distinctively off about Jace it made Alec very worried.

Carefully, like one would approach a wounded animal, Alec and Magnus stepped closer. 

“Jace?” Alec’s voice was soft, nevertheless it made Jace jerk and turn around. Alec noticed his grip tightening around the hilt so that his knuckles turned white. 

“You shouldn't be here.” Jace's voice sounded shallow when his eyes darted quickly between Alec and Magnus and then froze on the sword again. 

With quick strides Alec and Magnus were by Jace’s side. Magnus was weary and held a little distance to the blade. One touch would kill him.

“Give me the sword and then let's get out of here.” Alec sounded firm and steady, way more than he felt. Something was going on here and he had no idea what it was. But it seemed important that Jace let go of the sword. 

“I can’t.” Jace said, but Alec thought he didn’t answer his command. “I just need to touch it, but I can’t.” 

“And why would you want to touch it? Hand me the sword, Jace. Now.” Alec’s voice was insistent. He tried to capture Jace’s eyes with his. Jace blinked a few times, but as if he felt Alec’s gaze on him he looked up, locking eyes with Alec for the first time. For the first time it seemed that he truly registered him. 

“Valentine. He wants to kill all Downworlders with it. And the angels showed me a way to destroy it. I just have to touch it. And then Magnus is safe. Everyone will be safe,” Jace got out with a light tremble that didn’t match the simplicity of his words. His eyes flickered and he looked away, fixating on the blade again.

“Except you. You wouldn’t be safe, wouldn’t you? You would die.” Alec had no idea why he was certain of that all of a sudden, but he was. It was the only explanation for Jace’s strange behaviour, the silent goodbyes, and his shakiness now. He didn’t know why Jace would die by touching the Soul Sword, but it would happen. At least Jace was certain of it.

Jace was silent for a while, chewing absentmindedly on his inner cheek. “But isn't that worth it? Isn't that what good people do? Sacrifice themselves to save the world? Magnus? Ithuriel showed it to me. A demon can destroy the sword. And Valentine told me that I have pure demon blood. I’m evil, you have to understand that. And with that, I could be good. Ithuriel wants me to die to save the others.”

“How can you think that I want to live when I know you sacrificed yourself for me?” Magnus sounded nearly shocked at hearing Jace’s reasoning. “I wouldn’t. There are other ways, Jace. And damn the angels. They are not the holy beings that you Shadwohunters want them to be. They have their own agenda. Always. I don’t care what blood you have. I know who you are, and that is not defined by the blood that runs in your veins. You're not evil, you are anything but. Give Alexander the sword and we will figure out what to do with it.” Magnus had paled visibly, understanding dawning on what was at stake. 

“No. It is not worth it. Especially when there are so many different ways of keeping the Downworld safe. We have the sword now, we can give it back to the Silent Brothers to protect it.” Alec had stepped closer to Jace now, one hand reached out, his eyes pleading with him as were his words. “Please, Jace. Don’t jump.” 

Maybe it was the reference Alec had made subconsciously, maybe it were Magnus’ words, but Jace seemed finally ready to let go of the Soul Sword. Just when Alec’s hand clasped around the hilt, a portal behind Jace appeared out of thin air. Suddenly the room was flooded with Circle members who charged without hesitation at them. But Jace also didn’t hesitate. All his training kicked in and in an instant he was the warrior he had been taught to be. He turned and went straight for Valentine, who seemed to be blazing with rage. 

Blue magic flew through the room, clashing with red from Warlocks that were under Valentine’s spell. Screams and grunts filled the air that soon was thick with the scent of blood and death. The chaos increased when Izzy arrived with backup from the Institute. But Jace didn’t see any of it. He was just focused on Valentine, who equally went for him. Jace hadn’t managed to fulfill the task the angel had given him but at least he would now make up for his past mistake. This time, he would kill Valentine.

Their blades clashed mid air, the force nearly making Jace lose his blade, but he managed to hold on to it. Jace fought with the intention to kill, putting all the training he had ever endured into his movements. But Valentine was strong. And he fought with a rage Jace hadn’t experienced before. Yet he held his ground, he was not the best Shadowhunter for nothing. 

“You stupid little boy. You always have been weak. You just had to touch that damn sword. But you were too weak, as always.” Valentine spat at Jace, who looked back, thunderstruck. Why would Valentine want him to touch the sword and destroy it? But though his mind was busy, his body responded to the feverish attacks, countering one blow after another. Jace was just about to launch an attack himself, when the air got knocked out of his lungs. A random red spell had hit him nearly full-force in his chest, making him fly through the air. 

When he could breathe again, he found himself on the floor, his blade a few feet away, his chest hurting. The only good thing was that the spell had hit Valentine as well, who lay a few feet away from him. But not with the same force. Before Jace could scramble to his feet, Valentine was already on top of him. The first punch split his lip open, the second broke his nose. Blood was running down his throat and Jace nearly gagged. Valentine's eyes were still glazed over with rage when he closed his hands around Jace's throat.

“You were meant to achieve great things, Jonathan. Great things. Instead you were just a disappointment. You should have touched the sword and would have gone into the annals of Shadowhunter history. You would have activated the sword, not  destroyed it. You have pure angel blood. But even this doesn’t make you strong.”

Jace squirmed under Valentine, pushing at his chest, trying to get away while also trying to comprehend what the man who had raised him hissed at him. But the harder it got to breathe, the harder it got to focus on anything other than surviving. His vision got blurrier the more Valentine increased the pressure around his throat. His hands came up in a futile attempt to remove Valentine’s hands while red dots were dancing behind his eyelids. All his efforts were in vain. With a nearly inhumane force, Valentine choked him until Jace’s hands fell to the side, his body went limp and darkness surrounded him. 

* * *

Alec was crying. He sat next to Jace’s unmoving body, one hand gripped around his. He didn’t care that everyone saw his tears. He couldn’t believe how small Jace looked. The best warrior the Shadow World had to offer finally defeated. The angry red marks, shaped like Valentine’s fingers stood in a harsh contrast to his pale and waxen face. He felt Magnus’ embrace before Magnus sat down on Jace’s other side, taking Jace’s other hand into his own. 

"He just can't, Magnus, he just…" Alec nearly choked on his words while even more tears were streaming down his face.

Magnus didn't cry. At first he had tried to make a joke, but that hadn't felt right. Not when Jace looked like death himself. But he couldn't cry either, he needed to keep it together. He needed to keep himself together. For Alec. And Jace. 

"He will be fine, Alexander. He just needs a little more recovery time than we thought. The spell that hit him was maybe stronger than originally assumed. You can feel him in your bond, can't you?"

Alec nodded, but it did little to put him at ease. "Can you…?"

"Of course, darling." Magnus was glad to be able to do something. A blue wave of magic washed over Jace, examining him, like several times before. The magic wrapped itself around Jace like a blanket while it penetrated him, searching for injuries or any kind of harm the previous examinations might have missed. 

"He is fine. He will wake up." He had to. 

* * *

Jace woke slowly. His mind slipped in and out of darkness several times before he finally could hold on to the light that seemed to surround him. Still, his mind was foggy and slow in processing everything. He lay on a comfortable bed and was wrapped in a cosy blanket. Everytime he drew in a breath his throat hurt like he had swallowed a razor blade. With the pain, the memories settled in. Valentine. Desperately, he tried to get up, but his body didn’t comply with his command. At last, he managed to blink his eyes open. 

The instant Jace moved, the instant Alec let out a shaky breath. “Thank the Angel…” he whispered, while he squeezed Jace’s hand tightly and hopefully also reassuringly.

“Fuck the Angel,” Magnus muttered under his breath, reaching for Jace’s cheek to caress it tenderly. 

Despite the warmth Jace felt, which promised safety, he tried to sit up to be able to defend himself but failed again, not yet able to control his limbs properly.

“Shh, sweetheart. You’re safe. You’re home,” Magnus managed to voice tenderly, before the lump in his throat got too big.

"Valentine,” Jace choked out with a hoarse voice, every syllable hurting like his throat was cut in half.

"Don't worry about him. He is dead." Alec pressed a soft kiss to Jace's rough knuckles. He sounded drained and tired, but relief was clearly in the lead. 

“He won’t harm you again. Ever. He’s dead.” Magnus said at the same time, his eyes flashing cat-like for a moment with the intensity of all the hell fires he could master if he ever chose to be his father’s heir. It was just a moment, but it took Jace’s breath away, yet again;maybe for the first time realizing that Magnus indeed was a Prince of Hell but chose to be good. Not only good, but loving and caring. Maybe being good was really just that. A choice. 

Jace tried again to sit up. He smiled weakly when he felt more pillows appearing behind his back to allow him to rest comfortably against the headboard. 

“You killed him?” Speaking still hurt, but he needed to know what had happened. 

“Well,  _ we _ killed him. Magnus hit him with the most powerful spell I have ever seen, the same time I buried the Soul Sword in his back. Finally a reasonable use for that damn thing,” Alec started to explain, half joking while Magnus conjured a sweet potion to soothe Jace’s pain, which he gave him and forced him tenderly to drink completely.

Jace closed his eyes in relief, but also because everything got too much. He knew he shouldn’t feel bad for Valentine, he had tried to kill him and planned to kill thousands in a heartbeat. But there was a tiny part that still wanted to cry, to mourn the father he had always wanted to have but never gotten. He knew he had to tell his lovers finally the truth about himself, about having demon blood. Or angel blood? Valentine had said something to him before he had tried to choke every breath of life out of him. He tried to focus, but the memories stayed foggy. He was confused.

“Valentine,” Jace started hoarsely. The potion had helped but it still hurt. “He told me that I have pure demon blood. And then he told me that I have angel blood…” His voice trailed away, not having yet wrapped his head around what might be true and what was a lie.

“Jace,” Alec said softly. “It doesn’t matter. Blood doesn’t define us. I share my soul with you, I know that you are not evil. Believe me, I would know. I don’t care what blood runs in your veins, as long as it runs.”

Magnus hummed in agreement. “My father’s blood is not who I am. It took me a while to truly believe it. But in the end I did and you two helped me with that. And you will too, Jace. What I am is all mine.” He pressed a tender kiss to Jace’s dry lips, running his thumb over the red marks Valentine had left behind. They would fade with time and hopefully so would the marks on Jace’s soul and heart.

“So you did really mean it?” Jace closed his eyes again, not daring to look at them, but the tension left his body a little when Alec curled up on one side and Magnus on the other.

“What, sweetheart?” Magnus stroked Jace's hair gently. 

“That I’m home,” Jace whispered.

“Of course you are. We’re all home. As long as we have each other, that will never change.” Jace smiled when both men pressed a kiss to his cheeks at the same time and then snuggled up to him. Home. One word had never felt better. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Comments & kudos are loved 💙


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